AlanBarber.Org
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Worst birthday… EVER!
Today is officially the worst birthday ever!
Before any of you tell me to suck it up, I’ll quote that great Lesley Gore song:
quote:
It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you
So BAH to you!
Lets do the play by play of why this is the worst ever.
1) I didn’t get to sleep in. I’ve been at the crack of 6:30am every day for the last month. You’d think I could at least catch a few extra ZZzzz on my own birthday. Nope, sorry, maybe next year. You have to go to class!
2) Normally I have free time from 10am to 1pm on Thursdays. At least I could relax then right. HA! Get a life man! You have a to finish your French presentation. So spend the next 3 hours at the computer lab working on a powerpoint presentation.
3) All you’ve had to eat is a Kellogg’s cereal bar and a glass of OJ. It’s 1PM sure would be nice to go get lunch. Sorry there bubba. You have to go to English 200 class. Your professor is a pompous self centered ass. He has a mandatory attendance policy. He thinks reading stupid poem and retarded short stories about adolescence is so very very important. I’m 23 and could give a shit. Take a look at my adolescence pal! It sucked! It sucked so hard a black hole formed and I’ve lost all my memories.
But never mind that even if he didn’t have a mandatory attendance policy I still had to attend. We had an exam! Oh how lovely… You have to do 4 essays in an hours time.
So hurry and rush rush rush because you don’t have time to waste.
4) Whoopie you’re braindead from that exam. Least you can relax in the next class right. What you talking ‘bout Willis? It’s French class dummy. Go do a 20 minute presentation on Senegal! Oh exciting Senegal. Land of the, err… it’s well known for, umm… Well shit! Senegal is freaking boring man.
Honestly the only good thing about French class is the good looking females! Luckily none of them will ever read this so. This one named Lauren is damn fine! 
It’s torture to be in the room. Maybe if I wasn’t such a frelling pussy I’d try asking her out. Oh it’s just a fantasy and in reality we have nothing in common. I’m a layed back, introverted geek and she’s a high mantainance, party girl. On a date we’d talk for about 10 minutes then uncomfortable silence till the end. I know better than let a fantasy consume me so I won’t waste my time.
5) You can’t go out partying! Oh I’m sure you’d just love to go out drink a few. Hit on some women and make an ass out of yourself. Sorry. You’re going to have surgery tomorrow morning! Yep, that’s right. Bottom two wisdom teeth are getting yanked. So no booze, no water, no food starting at midnight. Then spend the entire weekend in pain and drugged up.
6) Last and most important. You’re now 23, still a virgin, and hell has a better chance of freezing over, thawing, and freezing over again, than you getting any action!
So there you have it! The world can go fuck itself. I’m tired and I’m going to lay on my bed rest of the night wishing a meteor the size of Texas lands directly onto my head!
Crap dude… you sound like me. I’m 23 on Monday and I don’t give a rats ass either… just another day closer to dying.