AlanBarber.Org
Sunday, October 03, 2004
chain letter making fun of chain letters
I’ve trained my realitives pretty well to not send chain letters or ubran legends so when I checked my email and I saw a forwarded message from my aunt I was a bit surprised to say the least. I figured it must be something important if it came from her. Boy did a bust a gut laughing when I read this! It’s worth a post here just for the laugh.
Subject: Thank you!
This made me laugh today...thought I would pass it along
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy by sending me your damn chain letters (and urban legends) over the last year.
Because of your concern:
* I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
* I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
* I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
* I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS
* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.
* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
* I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops.
* I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number and will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
* I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
* I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
* I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
* I no longer have a cell phone because I don’t want brain cancer.
* I no longer have any sneakers because I would hate to see all those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair of Nike shoes.
* I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
* I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time.
* I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program.
I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now if you DON’T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest friends in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at exactly 5:00 PM tomorrow
on 10/03/2004 at 09:00 PM