AlanBarber.Org

Twitter Updates

Follow me on Twitter

1) In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

2) No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

3) In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

4) In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.

5) In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.

6) In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

7) In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

8) Only nerds e-mailed in high school. Cool kids hadn't heard of it.

9) In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.

10) In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.

11) In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

12) In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

13) In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.

14) In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

15) In college, weekends start on Thursday.

16) In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

17) Once you've obtained the information described in #16, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."

18) In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

19) In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.

20) In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

21) College men are cuter than high school boys.

22) College women are legal.

23) In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip....uh, sick that day.

24) In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

Well I had planned to post a rant about this piece of trash article over at BBC. The article is claiming Sony has won the next generation console wars with their PS3. Sad thing is we're still around 2 years from Sony, Microsoft or Nintendo release their next generation consoles! Proclaiming a winner before anyone has even released any hardware is a moronic joke. In this industry 2 years is enough time for a company to go from being top dog to being in the doghouse. I mean really, while Sony might look like it will be a winner who knows what could happen. Some horrible scandal could surface and everyone would end up hating Sony in 2 years and sales end up tanking on the PS3. I think we need to all just sit back and wait to see where we are at release times.

Ok I guess I did get to do a rant on it after all!

Anyhoo, I wanted to give a shout out for a contest some buds are holding. The fine fellows of Snackbar Games are holding a Resident Evil: Outbreak Contest. The winner gets a limited edition Resident Evil: Outbreak survival pack that contains a canteen and mask. I'll admit it is disappointing that you're not even getting a video game or heck even a copy of the Resident Evil movie. Still go check it out and sign up since they could use the traffic!

Well this was a rather boring spring break. I didn't do anything thrilling or exciting. I just lounged around watching the idiot box, surfing the net, playing video games and working on my fathers website.

I did get a lot done on my fathers website. Not as much as I had planned to do but still it's well on it's way to completion. Unfortunately, I spent this weekend working on homework that's due Tuesday morning instead. I have it done now and I don't expect to have anything difficult homework wise this week so I think I'll be able to squeeze in enough time to get it finished by next weekend.

I guess the one thing I do regret is not doing more with my girlfriend. We only got together once this whole week. We went ice-skating one night and then got coffee and talked. We both had the week off and she even had work off so we should have spent lots of time together. I really feel guilty for not doing more. I guess I'm just not used to the whole dating "thing". I just been a loner all my life and I forget that it takes active participation to make a relationship work. I can't just sit back and have a relationship. This last week I've basically taken her for granted and I'm going to have to make it up. I don't know how yet but I'll think up something.

Oh and in other news I love google so much! I just started that new jokes category this week so I could post jokes as filler instead of real content. Sometimes I get into ruts and have nothing to talk about so I figured "hey, why not just post silly jokes or whatnot!" Well look who's number three on the list if you do a search for "jokes and other funnies".

Man you have to love that pagerank system!

* Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
* Enjoy being a sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
* Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
* Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
* Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
* If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
* Boring lecture? Start a wave!
* College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
* "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
* Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
* Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
* Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
* Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
* In a pinch, beer can be used as a milk substitute in your breakfast cereal.

I just watched Wonderfalls. It's a new show on FOX. The basic premise of the show is this girl Jaye, who works at a souvenir stand at Niagara Falls, has a mental breakdown and stuffed animals, statues, heads on coins, etc start talking to her. The things talk to her in order to help other people.

On top of that the girl is the sulky I hate my life type with a dysfunctional family and a dead end job. They use plenty of voiceovers from the main character. Plus, throughout the episode, plenty of wacky things happen that don't make any sense until the end when it all wraps up to a nice happy ending where we learn a valuable lesson.

Sounds rather family in concept doesn't it. As I was watching it I said this is a rip-off of Showtime's Dead Like Me. While I was checking it out on IMDB, but who should I find is the writer/creator of this show but Bryan Fuller. He's the writer/creator of Dead Like Me! He actually left after the first few episodes of DLM. So I guess this is what he's been up to.

Other than Caroline Dhavernas, Jaye, I don't recognize any of the actors on the show. Caroline was in this great snowboarder comedy called Out Cold. It's a brilliant and funny comedy that apparently no one has ever seen.

I don't know how I feel about the show yet. It's interesting and the humor is right on button like DLM. I love that over that top goofiness mixed with sappy sentimental type of stuff. I guess I'm just a sentimental goofball at heart.

Anyhoo, go check out Wonderfalls, you might like it.

Dear Diary,
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman."

I am thinking "what was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed dept. store...I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three.

She wanted matching shoes, I said "lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this.

You should have seen her face when she said "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now."

You should have seen her face...it went completely blank.

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."


And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.